New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
