im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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