so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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