Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
