Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
