quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
