he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
