They should really pass out barf bags in church
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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