I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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