So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
