Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's shark week go big or go home
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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