I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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