I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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