it wasn't lemon gatorade
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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