party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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