There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
