I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
