Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize