Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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