I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
