To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
