I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
