i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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