We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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