Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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