im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
