why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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