fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Randomize
