I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my vag is so smooth its legendary
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
is wine microwaveable?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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