so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
two words: eviction party
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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