haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
