Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
