Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
