I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
