It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
