Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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