first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
