You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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