Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
