doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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