what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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