I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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