Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
