i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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