we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I would ride that face into the sunset
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize