i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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