Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
