dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
