Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize