the condom got lost in my hair
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
