Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
