i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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