Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
