shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
