Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize