So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
