K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
