This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
