i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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