Non-Jews are for practice
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
