I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
