would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
