Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
