I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
