ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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