My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
