I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize