mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
did you just send me my own nude
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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