i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
