I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
