the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Couch. On fire.
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