Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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