Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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