after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
