at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
