absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize