Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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