I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
