the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
