We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just google imaged poop.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize