I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
