I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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