My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
