We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just had sex on a roof
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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