So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
