They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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