yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
