you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
