do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
