WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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