Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
