nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
