You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
