just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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