if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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