so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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