i need an iv and a liver transplant
she smelled like a LAN party
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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