Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
