one might say we're banned from that church
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize