im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
