I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Boobs speak an international language.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
