i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
