I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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