so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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