Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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