I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
