No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize