Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
