Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
the liver wants what the liver wants
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
