I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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