This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
