There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
