Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wear drunk well.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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